i love to shop for supplies – in fact, shopping for scrap book supplies took the place of my “love” (read: addiction) of office supplies.  about 6 months ago, i completed 10 pages for my girls – not each just ten whole pages.  i haven’t touched my supplies since.

now i feel motivated to get back into it…but (you knew there would be one) my office isn’t set up for me to be productive.  i want a piece of furniture from ikea (which cost $500) and then i will be able to complete books for the almost 9000 photos on iphoto and the 10 boxes of photos from the years prior to digital. yea right! it would make it easier to access all of my supplies.

why do i feel the need to spend more money to do something in which i have all the tools to complete the pages now?  because i have the internet which gives me access to many, many websites/blogs in which these women have beautiful craft spaces/rooms and i really want one too!  WANT, not need.

i am trying to convince myself that it is the right way for me to find some enjoyment and utilize the supplies i have…and maybe it would!

they are off school this week for the holiday and i worried they would be in front of the tv most of that time – especially since it has been raining all weekend. but they have played for hours together – drawing, writing, playing on the computer, not getting dressed, playing with the clearance puppy and enjoying themselves.

love that!

i need my 8 hours and i have not gotten a solid night of sleep in at least the last two nights. here are my reasons:

• teenagers
• clearance puppy
• husband running into bathroom door (no it hasn’t been moved in the 7 years that we have lived here!)
• did i say teenagers?

i think a bottle of wine is in my future and a good night of sleep. scratch that, oldest son is working tonight and i need to stay up until he comes in because husband has to work early in the am.  so definitely the wine tonight and early to bed tomorrow.

apparently my sons have a friend who has a heart defect and a few weeks ago suffered a heart attack but did not know it…went to the doctor on monday and they sent him right to the hospital and today he is having triple bypass surgery…he is in high school.

couple of things, i am so thankful/grateful that my kids are healthy and i am amazed at the level of compassion my children have for their friends…makes me believe that we are doing something right raising this generation.

i wasn’t uncomfortable at all.

i felt fine, no butterflies in my stomach, i felt like i belonged there.

ms. j is my special needs child and it, even to this day, makes me uncomfortable to be around the others in her class.  ms. j is behind, she doesn’t have add or autism, she is developmentally delayed. we have only kept her back one year in kindergarten.

she is not medicated and never has been…i have had teachers tell me she should be…missed phd at the end of their names…

our latest iep meeting – her current teacher referred back to her disability every time we asked a question.

we are a family of 7 and not one of us thinks of her as disabled – she has never been treated as such either.  she is ms. j…we just have to be careful not to hurt her feelings and there are some touchy subjects. but otherwise just she is just like every other 9 year old.

i sat there thinking that i felt uncomfortable. i don’t know how else to describe it.

life is pretty quiet right now so i wasn’t anxious to leave because we/i needed to be somewhere else or doing something else but i still felt “uncomfortable” and i do every time i have an event like this.

it seemed a subject no one wanted to talk about, here are a few things i know:

my mom’s father left when she was young

my mom’s mom died around 50 of walking pneumonia

my dad’s dad threw my grandmom out of the house (i was around 4 or 5 at the time and I have the note) – this is one of my earliest memories of her moving in with us

we had an aunt growing up – who i never knew really wasn’t my aunt until after she passed and she would stay with us on christmas eve every year – she had a man in her life who we called uncle – but i believe he was married to someone else?

my mom’s mom had a brother and a sister and i think?

my dad’s mom had quite a few siblings – i only remember 3 but i think there were more

i know little about either of my grandfathers.  mom’s dad – never met him. he has a pretty big extended family whom i grew up near but never really knew. dad’s dad wasn’t allowed in the house (apparently at one point I let him in, i was very little at the time and my sister never let’s me live this down) and he was a veteran and died choking on a beer tab behind a bar in his car. i only remember seeing him a few times in my life and that includes his funeral.

i know that i am english, irish, german and swedish but beyond that i know nothing of my heritage.  other than i am probably irish from my mom (her maiden name and my cousins all had reddish hair) and swedish from my dad (we both had blonde hair).

it’s a start and i am going to find out what i can from other relatives who are still living…wasn’t so important until i turned 40 and now i want to know but not just for me for my kids…so where to begin?

i caught up with my friend who lost her sister the other day and i was glad i did. just to give her a hug and let her know i was here for her.

we got to talk on the phone yesterday…i was glad she called.  i hope whatever i said was somewhat helpful to her at this time.

i pray she has a save trip and makes it through the next couple of days, weeks, months…and i hope she knows i am here to share conversation, lunch, shopping or maybe a glass of some type of alcoholic beverage!

we talked with the girls about who in our family were veterans – it was interesting to think that most of them they didn’t even know and yet they are part of their family.

i am not a good friend in these types of situations, i never know what to do or what to say. i am sure she knows i am here for her – no matter what she needs.

this would be a situation where i am outside of my “comfort zone”. so because she is special to me, i am going to change that! i am going to catch up with her today, whether in person or by phone – one way or the other.